


If I go down, gonna burn with the sun

by HelgaHeason



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angel Wings, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love Confessions, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27133012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelgaHeason/pseuds/HelgaHeason
Summary: Noticing how well Lucifer is doing after conquering his self-hatred (and dealing with Chloe, Michael and God), Amenadiel pushes him to try and become the Lightbringer once again.So Lucifer tries.(And the result isn't what anyone but Amenadiel expects.)
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 6
Kudos: 88





	If I go down, gonna burn with the sun

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic while listening to the series 4 soundtrack, because holy hell is that soundtrack amazing. Everything about series 4 is god tier, or at least to me.
> 
> This fic explores Lucifer's thoughts and feelings about his self-hatred and love for Chloe, post series 5A.
> 
> It's my first work for Lucifer, so be gentle. :)
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy!

How was Lucifer supposed to become the Lightbringer again, as Amenadiel was pushing him to be? He said there wasn't too far now to go and that the road should be relatively easy, but this was no easy feat. This was rebecoming the angel he had once been; who he had been as Samael; the angel who had not so much Fallen as he had plummeted, all bones breaking and wings shattering at the impact of landing in Hell. And how was he, so riddled with terror, fear, guilt, and weirdly enough, love, supposed to revive his old self?  
What could he _possibly_ do to revive the angel he had once been?  
He didn't even know if he _wanted_ to rebecome the Lightbringer - he'd never liked being his Father's puppet - but he supposed that if that was how he got his redemption, then so be it.

**_These roots run deep_ **

He'd conquered the brunt of his self-hatred long ago, when he had turned into a massive, bloody red, hulking beast of a Devil - and shortly after, the Detective had told him she loved him. His leathery wings, stretched thin to beyond their capacity - much like his mental health, he'd mused later - had fluttered a little in the Mayan, noticing the Detective, and crying out to help her. So he had. He sent the demons home with an almighty roar, and in a shudder of spiked wings, was back to normal, crying out for the Detective to accept him even when she'd seen his darkest self.  
And she had.  
Crying out for him to stay with her; to not leave her alone and forsake her like this; she had confessed her love.  
He had cried. He was aware of his own tears as he in part confessed his; stating the prophecy was wrong and it was never Eve who had captured his heart first. It had always been her, his beloved Detective.  
And then, with no other choice, he had been forced into forsaking her.

**_The strongest part of me_ **

But that was around a year ago now. They'd come in leaps and bounds. So what was left standing in the way of him reviving the Lightbringer that still thrummed through his veins? The Lightbringer that lingered just out of reach, just lurking where he could see it but not grasp it.  
What, really, was there left for him to conquer?  
He had remnants of his self-hatred still lurking, he was aware of those, but he doubted he'd ever really be free of those. He was bound by the shackles of the self-hatred his Fall had instilled in him; doomed forever to remember that he had been cast out, and in a way, forsaken by his own family.  
His Father's arrival was unwelcome but not unexpected - he could only gallivant on earth and cause a stink with Michael for so long before his Father eventually took notice and intervened. He was just shocked that killing Uriel hadn't been enough, and all those times he'd outright cursed Him for being a bad parent, a bad idol, a bad example.  
In fairness, He was so egotistical that the Christian religion was not so much about the person it was named after - Lucifer's oh-so-perfect nephew, because Gabriel had taken "lay a blessing" to be a euphemism - but about Him.  
But he'd made it through Michael's meddling, hadn't he?  
He'd survived the extreme self-hatred his Father had invoked, hadn't he?  
He'd struggled through those thousands of years in Hell, hadn't he?

What was left to conquer?

"Lucifer?"

**_We come together_ **

Ah, yes.  
_Love._  
The love that he gave to and got from his Detective, and the love that he gave to and was slowly beginning to get from his siblings - a love he didn't dare verbally reciprocate for fear she may forsake him again, or _he_ may forsake _her_. A much darker kind of love, twisted and beautiful, that had conquered self-hatred and crossed realms. It was a love that empowered him, made him feel invincible, made him curl in on himself with abject fear - it made him feel alive, and it was truly a love worth fighting for.  
And he had, hadn't he?  
He'd fought for it in the earlier days, and now in the later stages, going to Hell twice and back for her.  
He'd fought for it through the pain of Cain and Eve - though she was sweet, she was misguided - and through his own Devilish becoming. Chloe had fought with him then, wanting it as badly as he did, bringing him back to who he was. Who he felt right being.  
He'd fought for it through Michael and through his Father, and she was right there, fighting with him.  
Through Michael's meddling, they'd had that one day, that one beautiful night, where the love between them and unresolved sexual tension glowed bright in their chests like a star struggling to break free; and his Detective had matched his desire with her own.  
This love terrified him, but made him feel better than he had ever felt; more like himself than he had ever felt.

So, now… He just had to reciprocate it.  
But he was scared. By Dad, was he scared.  
He didn't want her to forsake him again.  
He didn't want to forsake her again. 

"Dete - Chloe."

**_Remember this forever_ **

But now, weirdly, gazing gently into her eyes - the eyes he knew so very well by now and was a weak man for - he felt like he could admit to absolutely anything and she wouldn't hold it against him.  
Soft, gentle eyes, hardened around the edges, rock-solid when dealing with criminals, but kind and loving around him.  
Like his, he supposed.  
And so, he reciprocated it - this wild, crazy, all-consuming, beautiful love.

"I… I love you."

And he'd never felt better for having said it.  
He felt lighter, brighter, more complete, more whole and more alive than he'd felt in eons; and something in him was threatening to burst, break out, unfurl and spread free.  
As his wings unfurled and spread out, arching toward the sun, he felt that something break, finally.  
His Detective gave a gasp, and his golden eyes merely smiled at her.  
He was OK. He was more than OK. He'd done it.  
He was the Lightbringer once more - and dear Dad it felt good. The Divinity flooded through his veins, and the torn edges of his soul reunited with eachother, his heartbeat dancing in the newfound wholeness.  
The Detective hugged him with all her might, and he hugged her back, his wings fluttering in the light; almost basking, before also joining the hug.

And, in the light of the day that Lucifer's rebirth had brought, Amenadiel grinned like a cat who'd got the cream.

**Author's Note:**

> The fic title comes from 'Cold-Blooded', by Zayde Wølf. 
> 
> The song used was 'We Come Together', by Regina Price, and you can listen to it here:  
> [Regina Price - We Come Together](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H2kARt3Nuq4)
> 
> I enjoyed writing this fic. I don't quite know if it's what I wanted or intended it to be, but I think it worked out well.
> 
> To 'forsake' means to abandon or leave. 
> 
> Give us Lightbringer Lucy, Netflix 🥺
> 
> \- - -
> 
> I’m on Twitter and I take fic commissions, DM me here:  
> [Helga Heason](https://twitter.com/HelgaHeason)
> 
> Help support my work by buying me a coffee here:  
> [Helga Heason Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/helgaheason)


End file.
